1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
