They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
