im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize