We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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