I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
