Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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