if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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