May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize