i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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