She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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