3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
