Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
