a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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