I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
