i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
