his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
