I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
