the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
