I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
