i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
