i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize