....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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