found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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