Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
