i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
