Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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