We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
