My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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