I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
