guys are only as good as the porn they watch
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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