I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
