i just google imaged poop.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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