You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
