Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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