She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need a beard to bite.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
