i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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