Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
