At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
