Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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