Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
