dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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