you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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