Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
