Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
