I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
