I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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