are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize