haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize