you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
