just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
