I wish I could teleport
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
