i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
