yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
