i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Bring me that man meat
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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