HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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