I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
