I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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