My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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