Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize