He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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