Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
