Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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