Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im part way to drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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