Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
