Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
