I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
