I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
