I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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