drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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