Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
