Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
