I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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