i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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